No humor/ humour in this place?

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No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Sun Aug 18, 2013 2:20 am

I posted in another topic under "humour" in mid-Marchno one has posted anything in the subject since. Has the forum membership become that humour less? :?
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby calgarymark42 on Sun Aug 18, 2013 4:33 am

There's been an advertisement on TV recently that says "there's a (brandname) mattress for everybody."
Must be an awsomely big mattress.

I hope you class that as humor (or humour, where I come from) :wink:
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby D-TX on Sun Aug 18, 2013 5:39 am

Nabbed from another forum -

I know there are some teachers here:

--------------------------------------------

The following questions were set in last year's GED (General Educational Development) examination.
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) ... and they WILL breed.



Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O, U. (***!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby Tony n Lucy on Sun Aug 18, 2013 4:52 pm

Good one Dave, especially like the Roman Emperor
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Tue Apr 29, 2014 8:09 pm

No "humour" since February 21st (under Humour, not just this thread in particular)! :cry: I know that I'm not funny but surely someone can contribute to this category :(
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby NudeGuy on Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:30 am

The Zoo Keeper

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.

As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.

He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both..
What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything...

He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees.

As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.

By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"

The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby c5nus on Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:38 am

D-TX wrote: [...] ... and they WILL breed. [...]


What is reassuring is that almost all brilliant people were born to less brilliant parents (like our boys :wink: ).

Best regards
Christoph

P.S. Thanks for the good laugh - great find.
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Wed Apr 30, 2014 3:35 pm

Two contributions already, great- let's have some more! :)
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby Paulus on Thu May 01, 2014 10:06 pm

Two parrots were sat on a perch. One asks the other; "Can you smell fish?"
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby Offkilter on Wed Jun 04, 2014 10:34 am

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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby calgarymark42 on Wed Jun 04, 2014 7:06 pm

Old is Great . . .
An old woman was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get: Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"
The wise one answered: "Definitely Parkinsons - Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle."
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby calgarymark42 on Wed Aug 13, 2014 10:02 pm

Paulus wrote:Two parrots were sat on a perch. One asks the other; "Can you smell fish?"


Second parrot started to sing - 'There's a plaice for us . . .'

Third parrot (its cage was on the other side of the room) chimed in: 'Salmon chanted evening - you will see a stranger. . .'

:cry:

(Hey, we gotta save the humour thread somehow, or it will drift away . . .)
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:43 pm

calgarymark42 wrote:
Paulus wrote:Two parrots were sat on a perch. One asks the other; "Can you smell fish?"


Second parrot started to sing - 'There's a plaice for us . . .'

Third parrot (its cage was on the other side of the room) chimed in: 'Salmon chanted evening - you will see a stranger. . .'

:cry:

(Hey, we gotta save the humour thread somehow, or it will drift away . . .)

I'm afraid that it has drifted away! :(
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Thu Nov 27, 2014 2:38 pm

No one on the forum has anything to post here? :?
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby Naturgesetz on Thu Nov 27, 2014 4:31 pm

old guy wrote:No one on the forum has anything to post here? :?

So tell us a joke.
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