No humor/ humour in this place?

Jokes and other things to brighten the day

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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Fri Nov 28, 2014 2:00 am

Naturgesetz wrote:
old guy wrote:No one on the forum has anything to post here? :?

So tell us a joke.

I'm not a funny guy, I'm leaving that to the 2000+ other forum members :(
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby sandy_beach_cat on Fri Nov 28, 2014 9:34 am

old guy wrote:
Naturgesetz wrote:
old guy wrote:No one on the forum has anything to post here? :?

So tell us a joke.

I'm not a funny guy, I'm leaving that to the 2000+ other forum members :(

That's what they all say! :P
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Fri Nov 28, 2014 3:50 pm

I'd have to copy something out of a magazine :(
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby Naturgesetz on Fri Nov 28, 2014 4:57 pm

My Inca joke was original. At least I don't recall hearing it anywhere. But most jokes people share are ones they've heard or seen somewhere else, such as
1. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer.....and a mop."

2. Three ropes walk into a bar. Unfortunately there is a sign by the bar that says "No ropes served". One of the ropes asks for 3 beers but the bartender takes one look at him, points to the sign and says, "we don't take kindly to your kind in here, hit the road."

Outside, the tallest rope tells his pals, "don't worry guys, I have a plan". He unravels part of himself, takes some twists and turns and reconfigures himself into a disguise.
He walks back into the bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says, "Say, aren't you that rope?"
"Frayed knot"

3. Eight sodium atoms and Batman walk into a bar. What does the bartender say? NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa...Batman.

4. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

6. Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here."


Plus, gotta have a doctor joke:

How many cardiac surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
One. They stand I the middle of the room holding the bulb and expect the world to revolve around them.

Oops, that was really a lightbulb joke. Here's a doctor joke:


Man goes to his doctor for lab results. Doc says "I had bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"You have 24 hours to live."
"What could be worse than that?"
"I tried to call you yesterday."
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby aussieian on Sat Nov 29, 2014 5:59 am

old guy wrote:I'd have to copy something out of a magazine :(


I'm a bit like Old Guy.

No sooner do I hear a joke, I forget it.

Yours naturally,
AussieIan.
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Sun Jan 25, 2015 4:14 pm

old guy wrote:I'd have to copy something out of a magazine :(

I thought I had one, a website, but it's something else now :(
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Mon Aug 20, 2018 8:59 pm

Nothing in three years!? :?
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Mon Oct 29, 2018 2:02 pm

…this place is about as much fun as I am. :cry:
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby aussieian on Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:51 am

aussieian wrote:I'm a bit like Old Guy. No sooner do I hear a joke, I forget it.


Sorry Old Guy,

Nothing has changed since I wrote the above four years ago.

If I do hear something, I'll try to write it down and post it here.

Yours naturally,
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby calgarymark42 on Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:29 pm

This story was told to me by a distant cousin (he lived in Anchorage, AK). Bob was a successful doctor, and his sons were brilliant too.

Phil studied genetics and finally achieved success! :)

Phil had been keeping a secret for over two decades - he had successfully cloned a human being. :D

He kept meticulous records, raising the clone-child in his laboratory until it was an adult. Then he made his plans to unveil his creation at a meeting of top scientists, held in the luxurious facilities of a high-rise hotel. :|

When the time for his presentation came, Phil stepped to the podium. He presented his data - his pictures, his charts, his graphs - to an amazed audience. 8) 8)

Suddenly, instead of waiting for his cue to come forward, Phil's clone stood up where he'd been sitting, and started shouting at the scientists assembled there. This Phil-clone was imaginative. He used language that would make a sailor blush, accusing his creator and all of his colleagues of the most amazing feats of perversion and vice. :oops:

Trying to regain control, Phil ushered his clone out of the room and up to the roof of the hotel, where he hoped the clone's shouts would go unheard. The Phil-clone would not listen to reason. He attacked Phil's parentage, his sister, his mother ... :oops:

Finally, Phil snapped. :x He could bear it no longer. He rushed forward and with a mighty shove, pushed his creation off the roof of the hotel, resulting in the 'death' of the Phil-clone. :cry:

The police arrived promptly and arrested Phil, but couldn't work out what the charges would be. :? Was it murder, or manslaughter? Is a clone a human? The debate went on for some time and eventually, the Chief prosecutor decided. :idea: :|

He charged Phil with making an obscene clone fall. :cry:
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby calgarymark42 on Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:30 pm

The pun-ishment for certain forms of too much cloning around is ... :wink:
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby aussieian on Sat Nov 03, 2018 7:48 am

calgarymark42 wrote:He charged Phil with making an obscene clone fall. :cry:


Love it.

Yours naturally,
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby old guy on Sun Apr 28, 2019 8:54 pm

No "humour" since last November.…although I don't have anything "funny" to tell I'm funnier than that!
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Re: No humor/ humour in this place?

Postby aussieian on Tue Apr 30, 2019 8:55 am

Still trying to think of one, Old Guy.

Yours naturally,
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Three Types of Bras

Postby calgarymark42 on Tue Apr 30, 2019 5:10 pm

My wife went down the hall to check on the apartment recently vacated by our > 90-year-old neighbours. She wanted to leave a note and looked in the hall drawer for a pencil and found a slip of paper with this uplifting :oops: story:

A man walked into the ladies department at a store. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said: "I would like to buy a bra for my wife".
The clerk asked, "What type of bra?"
"Type?" asked the man. "There's more than one type?" :?
The sales lady said, "Look around". She showed him a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material. "Actually, even with all this variety, there are only three types of bra". :wink:
Confused, the man asked "Only three? What are they?" :?
The sales lady replied :P "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
Still confused, the man asked, "What is the difference between them?" :?
The lady responded "It is quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, The Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills." :)
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